Forgiveness isn't about making what the person did okay. It's about letting go of the power they have over you. For example, when you are crying and angry, all that emotion holds you up. It may even prevent you from being happy. In order to truly let go, you have to forgive, which means removing the power that action had over you.
Instead of having so much anger and resentment, you are able to look at it with some distance. What the person did is still not right, so you aren't saying "It's okay you hurt me." Instead what you are saying is, "You hurt me, but I have moved on from that hurt."
The Act of Forgiving
In order to get to the place where you can forgive, you have express the emotions you feel. Don't bottle them up. This can be done by talking with the person who hurt you (if you feel they will listen and you want to remain in contact) or through journaling. You can also talk to a third party.
When you talk about the hurt you feel, do it with the knowledge that you have already learned from it. Everything we experience in life teaches us something. When you are expressing your emotions, focus on what you learned as you describe your hurt. This simple act changes your perspective from being "the victim" to being someone who will move beyond the situation and be stronger for it.
Keep the Person in Your Life?
Forgiveness is a part of every relationship, whether it is with a spouse, friend, or family member. When two people are dating or in a marriage, forgiveness will be required at some point in order for them to stay together happily.
We're human and we all make mistakes. If the person who wronged you takes responsibility and is sorry, you must let it go and give him or her another chance. If, however, the person refuses to talk about it, blames you, or twists the facts of the situation, you might need to get some distance by breaking up or taking some time away from the relationship.
Things That You Can't Forgive
There is a difference between someone who messed up and a toxic person who continually causes problems. If your partner does something wrong and is sorry, forgive him and move on if it is something that doesn't cause irreparable damage to your relationship. However, if your partner was abusive, cheated, or even had an emotional affair, you may need to move on.
You need to forgive for your own peace of mind, but only you can decide if you are willing to give your partner another chance. Some slights can be put in the past, while others change the relationship for good. Relationships grow through communication so sometimes a hurtful act can actually bring you both closer in the end.
Cherie Burbach - Cherie Burbach writes about dating, relationships, health, sports, and lifestyle. She's the author of eleven books and ebooks.
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