The purpose of online dating is to meet someone special, but sometimes daters get comfortable emailing and have a difficult time bringing up the desire to meet in real life. There is a fantasy element to online dating, in that you develop a rapport with your match through email. But until you meet in person, you aren't really dating.
Should you have the guy pick you up at your door? Should you suggest that she meet you somewhere? Here are some tips for daters.
When to Suggest a Face-to-Face Meeting
The ideal time to ask someone to meet in real life is when you feel comfortable enough that you want to go on a first date. This doesn't mean you know them, it means simply that you want to meet. You still need to take precautions, such as having your first date in a coffee shop or other public place, driving separately, and making sure you set up an end time in advance.
How long is the "ideal time?" It various depending on how often you emailed. Generally, if you've emailed back and forth three to five times over a two-week time period, you should know whether or not you want to meet.
How to Ask Your Online Match to Meet in Person
When you want to meet your match, send an email saying, "I've enjoyed talking with you over email. How about meeting in person?" Then suggest a specific time and place, preferably at a coffee shop that is centrally located for both of you.
Set up the time to meet and also say you can meet for an hour only. That way, when you are on your date you can look at your watch after an hour and thank your date for coming out to meet you. Then you can leave without any awkward goodbyes. Stick to this time restraint even if you enjoyed your date and plan to go out again.
Meeting for only an hour is a built-in safety net when online daters have their first real life date. Both parties drive alone to the meeting place, get to know their match a bit in person, and go home to reflect back on their date. If they enjoyed the date, they can then set up a "real" first date, or even another coffee date.
What if Your Online Match Doesn't Want to Meet?
Online dating is great because you're able to get to know someone a bit through email before you meet. However, some daters get so comfortable emailing that they may balk at the idea of meeting in person. Spending too much time through email can actually put more pressure on the face-to-face meeting when it eventually does happen. The longer a couple emails, the greater chance that unreasonable expectations can be built up.
It's better to email for a short time and then meet, because a real life date is the only way to really tell if you click with someone. If your online match doesn't want to meet, tell him or her to contact you if they change their mind. Then, move on to email other daters. After all, the purpose of Internet dating is to introduce you to a possible new love interest, not a pen pal.
Cherie Burbach - Cherie Burbach writes about dating, relationships, health, sports, and lifestyle. She's the author of eleven books and ebooks.
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