Friendship vs. Emotional Affair

wow!

This hit the nail right on the head for what I have been dealing with for over a year now! My supposed partner whom I moved across country to be with assured me she is just "friends" with her ex lover. I had a gut feeling from the beginning that it seemed much more than that when the "friend" called constantly even when we were out of town! My partner is at her ex lovers disposal whenever she calls and uses her "friendship" to stay emotionally distant from me. I have accused her of using me for sex and the ex lover for the emotional needs. Of course she denied this. I have ended this relationship and am trying to heal. I sent this page to her. She kept trying to make me out to be the one out of line for having a problem with her and her "friend". It is comforting to read how this is EMOTIONAL CHEATING!!!!

I am guilty on several accounts and yeah it was with an Ex, it almost cost me my marriage but I am married to an angel, we are searching for counseling now... contrary to one of the statements Emotional affairs will destroy any relationship from the inside out, not just new ones

Here it is almost six months later and I am still feeling like I can not trust my husband of 15 years because of an "emotional" affair he had with his co-worker. I discovered that he was talking to this woman though our "family" cellphone records. I knew she existed as his co-worker; however, I had no idea that he was talking to this woman so extensively, which was not like he since he's more reserved about associating with his co-workers outside of work. I don't mind my husband having female friends, as long as I know who they are and he shares with me some aspect of their relationship. Now, we're in counseling because its hard for me to move on since he will not admit that it was an emotional affair, which I considers a big betrayal/lie in our marriage and to the world. I feel like I knew my husband, up until that point; however, his attitude has left me uncertain about the man I married.

I am currenntly in divorce proceedings because my soon to be ex husband found his ex girlfriends more interesting he blamed it on me saying it was because I was pregnant and moody, and was very defensive saying there was nothing wrong with what he did because nothing physical actually happened. I found out about it because he left his email open one day and I took a peak, saw what I saw and then took a look at his My Space....and OH MY GOD it felt like I had been slapped in the face. He ended up locking me out of his computer and I also had no access to the phone bill, and he doesn't understand why I couldn't trust him again. HELLO! I got my fill filed for divorce am now a single mother of 4 and get to hear from his family how sorry they feel for him, Give me a break! Sorry still a little angry about the whole thing. Just glad to know that i was right emotional affairs are just as bad as actually doing it.

Man reading this is hard to read, when you have a friend that you view as a good friend, but you know you are kind of tied to them emotionally. Now that I know better the hard part is to do better. I know I am not in love with my friend, but I do find myself wanting her on an intimate level sometimes. Man this is going to be hard to end this friendship because I truly view her as one of my best friends.

Emotional affairs often happen because the other partner may not be giving the other any kind of attention. I have experienced this with my spouse of 20 years. The one thing i must say is communication is the key to all of this. If you are able to communicate with your partner about everything you can prevent this most of the time. Always be honest with them on how your felling.

I have had several doubts about my marriage for some time now and recently have met someone at work but does not work with me. Since I met them I had an instant attraction not just physically but mentally. After the first time we spoke I had them return to fill out some paperwork and we ended up talking for like 2 hours. I had thought about this person several times after that but didn't act on it and kept it business. But now we have been talking more then ever and have even met up a few times. They kissed me on one of these meetings and at that point it was clear to me that I had feeling for this person. We have toooo much in common but we are both married. They say they are happy in their marriage but I'm very confused on why this person is interested in being with me. I know there is a sexual attraction but I know we both feel a strong connection. What is happening here ? Can anyone tell me ???

I am having one of these right now. I try realy hard to stop thinking about her, but it is extremely difficult. I don't want to get a divorce, but I am super confused. I sincerely do not know if I love her or not; I feel as if I was a young teenager unware of my own emotions. This is difficult.

"I have had several doubts about my marriage for some time now and recently have met someone at work but does not work with me. Since I met them I had an instant attraction not just physically but mentally. After the first time we spoke I had them return to fill out some paperwork and we ended up talking for like 2 hours. I had thought about this person several times after that but didn't act on it and kept it business. But now we have been talking more then ever and have even met up a few times. They kissed me on one of these meetings and at that point it was clear to me that I had feeling for this person. We have toooo much in common but we are both married. They say they are happy in their marriage but I'm very confused on why this person is interested in being with me. I know there is a sexual attraction but I know we both feel a strong connection. What is happening here ? Can anyone tell me ???"


Maybe they "love" their spouse ,but are not any longer "in love". So there really isn't anything bad in their marriage so to say, so therefore, it makes it very hard for them to leave their spouse, yet they probably long to be with you and deep down wish they could be. Sometimes in life we met someone who we just know is our soulmate ,but because we are taken or they are taken, nothing can be done about it. It hurts so badly,for both people.

Well I suppose this article has really opened my eyes up somewhat. The fact that I came searching means I had some concerns. I'm engaged to be married to the father of my 4 year old but recently met this guy. He's a real nice guy and all, we email everyday and send text messgaes and all, I assist him with his school work and am always there when needed for something. I dress carefully when I'm going to see him and all, we joke a lot about sex and other things and there is definitely chemistry between us. My fear is that I think am having an emotional affaire, hopefully not to the detriment of my relationship. I really dont see the need to end my new friendship though as I'll ensure we remain just friends. He invited me to his house earlier today to go thru' some school stuff and I declined and countered that we meet somewhere neutral. I just thought that would be the sensible thing to do.

My sister recognized that I am having an emotional affair with my friend. After reading the information on this site, I have to agree with her. I have been in a bad marriage for years and should have left long ago. I get nothing emotionally from my husband... at least in a positive way. For the past couple of months, I have gotten closer to someone who was just a friend. I find myself spending more of my time with him, and I do spend extra time on my appearance when I know that I am going to see him. The friendship is not a physical one, but I could see it shifting that way in the future. I keep details of this friendship secret from my husband. I feel like my friend understands, appreciates and cares about me. My husband doesn't care about my feelings or opinions. He is a mean, cruel alcoholic and like I said, I should have left years ago. My friend has helped my self confidence and self esteem improve to the point that I will soon be able to leave my husband. In my case, the emotional affair has been a positive. This is the first time in my life that I have been treated so well by a man.

any advise for me?
I just found out my husband is in a stormy emotional affair. I know it, but he doesn't know that I know. He hides it from me and lies. He knows it's wrong. We are married a long time and I just had a baby. He just broke it off with her. I don't know if it went physical too. He loves me... so I believe, but I feel betrayed and I know he feels guilty, but still won't tell me about it. In fact he is covering his track deeper and is telling other friends about this now....(more emotional affairs??)
What should I do. Sit tight and keep watch, or blow my cover and face him? If I tell him he'll know how I found out and I will never be able to find out again in the future. I need that security blanket. if I don't tell him we can't work on the reason for this.
honestly, at this point I am confused and don't know what's best. I don't know why he had the affair and I am very sad about it and I also suspect now that this is not the first time.
What would be my smartest move to save our marriage here?
Does anyone have advise?
Thanks to all of you and hope it never happens to you. Not fun to find out on your first mother day ever, that's for sure. It doesn't even matter that it's over, the damage is done.

An affair is an affair whether or not it is emotional or physical. Don't kid yourself.
Don't let your life happen to you, you are stronger than you think... I know, I am a survivor of an affair.
Forgiveness and trust are too easily thrown around... get good professional help. It saved me, it will save you.

any advise for me?
I just found out my husband is in a stormy emotional affair. I know it, but he doesn't know that I know. He hides it from me and lies. He knows it's wrong. We are married a long time and I just had a baby. He just broke it off with her. I don't know if it went physical too. He loves me... so I believe, but I feel betrayed and I know he feels guilty, but still won't tell me about it. In fact he is covering his track deeper and is telling other friends about this now....(more emotional affairs??)
What should I do. Sit tight and keep watch, or blow my cover and face him? If I tell him he'll know how I found out and I will never be able to find out again in the future. I need that security blanket. if I don't tell him we can't work on the reason for this.
honestly, at this point I am confused and don't know what's best. I don't know why he had the affair and I am very sad about it and I also suspect now that this is not the first time.
What would be my smartest move to save our marriage here?
Does anyone have advise?
Thanks to all of you and hope it never happens to you. Not fun to find out on your first mother day ever, that's for sure. It doesn't even matter that it's over, the damage is done.

Thank you so much for your advise! I will listen to you! It is easy to forgive, since it's easier to ignore the problem then to deal with it. He came home and said nothing about this. He does not know that I know. I know he feels very guilty towards me, I can tell. If I let this slide it will happen again I am sure. Plus I really don't feel I can fully trust him anymore, especially if he doesn't tell me what's going on or went on. I know you're right. He is the one that needs help though more than I, that's why he found a 'friend' to share/talk to. He should have gone to a councellor. I was just so sure we had no problems and we where solid and I trusted him 100%. (First time I trusted a person besides my family 100%).
Thanks for your advise!

I've read some of these comments and it's sickening to see that the one's who are cheating can't see the pain and harm it will cause your partner in the future. Right now you all are having a good time with the newness and thrill but if you had a soul and emotions you would see the pain it will cause in a partner who never asked to be in this position. Anyone who does this is selfish and self centered and when discovered not deserve a second chance; why a second chance--you're with your NEW mate. Leave the person who you hurt alone to grieve and don't cause anymore pain by saying meaningless words like "It didn't mean anything" "You're the one I love" words are cheap at this point. Your actions should have been stronger than those words and value as having more integrity!!
If you are the person who was cheated on you need to leave because once they get away with doing it once they will do it again. No matter how many promises. Why would you want to be with a person who betrayed you- punish them by leaving them alone to enjoy their new loves but YOU also have the opportunity to start fresh with someone who will admire, respect and truly love you for who you are. You want to keep rewarding the cheater by saying it's ok I forgive you and this will allow him to do it again.
This may sound very harsh but this just happened to me and he wasn't cheating with one person but with 5 women. I heard all the lines- But I love you, I will change my ways, I will do what you want, we're so good together, I now realize what I have with you, etc..... It's still all about him- never said what do YOU want me to do for you. I'm sorry YOU'RE hurt, YOU don't deserve to be treated like this. YOU deserve better. So take it from me you don't deserve to be treated this way and things will never go back to how it all was in the beginning. The cheater has victory and the victim has a BROKEN SOUL. You will recover by moving on, why punish yourself by giving him the satisfaction of him having you again- you were and will continue to be just another number, not a human being who should've been treated with respect.

I just found out night before last that I am in an emotional affair with someone I've been friends with for years. I had no idea that he had a significant other of 3 years! We texted each other, talked on the phone, and met for meals at least 3 times a week. The way I found out was horrible. I got a blank text from his cell and after I replied I got a phone call from his girlfriend. I feel horrible and guilty though I've not done anything wrong because
I had no idea there was someone in his life, and he had told me his friends had been trying to fix him up on dates. I believe I have been betrayed also, by someone very close to me. I know that his other relationship is more important to him because I have not heard from him. It hurts a great deal. It's betrayal when you don't know about each other. If they keep valuable information about this from you or their significant others then they are not your friend and you need to cut them free and move on, painful as it is. Hardest part is that we had been communicating so often and now it will come to an end. It's like a part of me has died. I will go on as always but this hurt worse because he seemed like such a wonderful and caring man. It's going to be a long time before I will be able to allow anyone new in my life. I have male friends who are married and their spouses know about me. That is a healthy relationship. It changes into an emotional affair when he keeps you from her and her from you. When you find out this bit of information it is best to walk away.
My advise to anyone who reads this article and it strikes a nerve, get out of the relationship. Usually these people are repeat offenders and it's only a matter of time before you find out about their NEW emotional affair.

Any recovery experiences??
I am facing this problem and the situation has so bad that almost all of the characteristics match.
Is there any hope for me??

I have suspected for a while that my husband has been having what I now know to be called an emotional affair. I realize it but he does not. He won't admit that he has done anything wrong. He realizes that he has hurt me and swears he still loves me and that he wants our relationship to work. ( we have been married almost 12 years) But he can't understand why I can't move past this. We are starting couples counselling next week but I was just wondering if anyone else has been able to move past this and keep their relationship strong? Any advice on what I can do?

<i>When you begin to share intimate or hurtful details of your relationship with one particular friend of the opposite sex, you are in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. Every relationship has ups and downs, but by relaying personal information on your significant other you are also betraying his or her trust.</i>
So because this person that you are sharing with is of the opposite sex it is considered a betrayl of trust? If you did so with a person of the same sex what would it be then? I walk with my friends about almost everything. I don't have anything to hide why should I censor myself around a male friend? Because he is male?
I also don't agree with the statement that if your partner has a problem with your friendship then that is a sign of an emotional affair. No, I'm sorry it isn't. My partner has a problem with me being friends with a man and I did nothing wrong. Sometimes you get accused of something not because you are having an affair, but because that person can't handle the idea of you being friends with another man. Which in itself is wrong.

I have been involved in an emotional affair for about 8 months. All I do is think about being with him. I can't eat, sleep, or work. When I do sleep all I do is dream of him. I know that this is wrong and have prayed about it alot. Everyday I try not to call him or see him. I also feel like I am going crazy. It was very sudden and impactful. Please pray for all of us that we do the next right thing and not act on our feelings. Nothing good will ever come out of it.

I confronted my husband yesterday about his inapropriate "friendship" with a woman that we have both known for over a year. He has always been completely devoted to his cell phone but in the last few weeks he has made and received so many calls and texts to her, hiding his phone or clearing data, not doing anything at home, staying out late. he of course does not seem to understand the pain this is causing me - i feel utterly betrayed. He seems to think I'm nuts for even thinking it is and emotional affair, but he has agreed to stop contacting her because he loves me - Im just afraid he'll replace her with someone else.

I refer to the letter dated Jan 23 2009 - 1:08 PM. I have been married for 26 years and while working through some phone records (checking costs)I discovered a phone number appearing often on my wife's bill. I checked to see if this was family. I phoned this number pretending to be someone else. I discovered the name of the person - a man my wife works with. I phoned the headoffice of the company - and lied - but eventually wiggled with a long story the name of this guy's wife. I phoned her and we met at a coffee shop. She was shocked.She told me her husband had three phones -two he hides away - but she had somehow discovered the numbers - he sleeps with his one phone under his pillow. I went home and checked my lists. This had been going on for two years - IDIOT! I was an idiot for trusting her 100%.She was in the bathroom sending him messages while I was asleep. One of these these numbers was on the list.Calls were made during the day - a few in the morning - and a few late at night. Discovered she was also sending sms's. This is where I made my big mistake. I phoned her at work and asked her if she was having an affair. IDIOT! When she got home her phone was clean. I found out where the guy lived - woke her up 2AM and drove to his house. Had my gun with me. We (him, wives, and myself)met and talked it through. He and his wife were having problems. My wife was unhappy with me - and said they - they were simply crying on each other's sholders. No physical stuff took place they swore. Friend used to say - if she looses weight, buys new undies - be aware.This did happen. WE went away for a weekend before this all came to light - guess who we had met there and had supper with?.I am expected to forgive and forget. Would she (or women in general)have been so understanding?. She still works there,and he still works there although he is away on the road often. My wife now files her phonebill where I can see it. It's been two years now, and it is still eating at me. I shall never trust anyone (her) again. I have tried to repair what drove her to cry on someone elses shoulder. She says often she loves me. I say nothing. I have not seen her parents for two years.Asked them for help - they did nothing. I still feel she "got away with it" too lightly. 12 October a date I will never be able to forget. We have never discussed it for a year. How does one move on? Would she have foregiven me? Is she thinking of him while being intimate with me?

This hits home like you wouldn't believe. Me and my boss have been talking for about 3 years now sharing private info about our spouses to each other. We did cross the line at one time but we didn't do it again. We didn't make any agreement to stop I guess the timing has not been right. It seems like we are both afraid to loose what we have at home which is nothing great. I guess we stay for the little ones or until we get tired and do what we need to do.

My jackass of a husband is having an emotional affair. I've seen all the sings & I've heard everything from the other party. We're on the edge of divorce.

The letter dated June 30 was right: sudden and impactful. That's what happened to me with a longtime coworker. It's been 5 months and I can't get her out of my mind. We've worked together for 20 years and we're both married. I don't know if this is an emotional affair. Aside from the longing, we do nothing inappropriate. Only because of her strength - not mine. We behave like friends for the most part.

I still have the same problem that other do: I can't get her out of my mind. I keep thinking this will end, but it hasn't changed one bit. I think extramarital sex would be less damaging to my marriage because I could at least move on. How do I get this to stop?

My husband admitted to me that he had shared 5-6 sexual texts with my "good friend" and next door neighbor. I am devastated - so hurt by both of them. What he has told me about the brief time they were texting doesn't fit all the critera above, but maybe in time it would have. We have never had any issues like this before. My neighbor is a flirt, has cheated on her husband and from what he says it went from normal silliness like we've all shared together, to flirting to overtly sexual. He admitted it to me without prompting and has apologized like never before. I've forgiven him but I'm obviously still hurt. My life has been possibly unalterably affected by this - right now I feel trapped on my back porch because she is out front with her husband. How do I handle this? It wasn't a full blown emotional affair at all but it is still deceitful and hurtful. How long does it take to feel better about something like this?

My husband admitted to me that he had shared 5-6 sexual texts with my "good friend" and next door neighbor. I am devastated - so hurt by both of them. What he has told me about the brief time they were texting doesn't fit all the critera above, but maybe in time it would have. We have never had any issues like this before. My neighbor is a flirt, has cheated on her husband and from what he says it went from normal silliness like we've all shared together, to flirting to overtly sexual. He admitted it to me without prompting and has apologized like never before. I've forgiven him but I'm obviously still hurt. My life has been possibly unalterably affected by this - right now I feel trapped on my back porch because she is out front with her husband. How do I handle this? It wasn't a full blown emotional affair at all but it is still deceitful and hurtful. How long does it take to feel better about something like this?

I found this email on my live-in boyfriend’s computer two days ago.
We are in our mid Forties and I thought we were very committed. I have confronted him about this email.
He is excusing this email and many others that are more intimate with “her” as “just being a good friend to her”. His defense is that it is worse to have read his personal emails than telling another woman that he loves her, that he will always be her baby, “that she is still the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on” etc.
What do you think?
Hi, (my live in boyfriend’s name):
I just wanted to write you tonight and tell you not only thank you for all you are doing to help me out… but that it was so great seeing you and being able to spend time with you.
Its funny how after not seeing each other for so long, we can fall right back into the laughs that we always had. I got home and thought, “Wow… it’s been like 4 years since we saw each other, but it seemed like yesterday.”
I just can’t believe that we are able to still pick right back up to what we had the most… the laughs. I really loved being able to laugh with you again, and am glad we never lost it.
I know that you think that you look ‘old’, but believe me… you don’t in my eyes. Not at all. You look the same as I remember; handsome. You always had great taste in clothes, and you looked very distinguished in the outfit you were wearing. I am sooooo proud of how you were able to pick your life back up to what you always did so greatly. You ARE truly a great businessman. You deserve all of the great things that are coming your way because not only are you a good person, but you have had to work harder than anyone I know to get there. I am in awe at how you went through what you did but still were able to come right back and have the attitude of, “I’ll make it again, but this time bigger and better.”
Remember when I used to say, “You’re my hero.”… Well, you still are. I hope you realize that whether or not you still drink has no bearing on what I think of you. That is your business; you don’t have to hide anything from me.
Thank you for respecting my wishes tonight on not drinking when with me. Even though I didn’t say anything when you ordered the drink, I like how you saw in my eyes that I didn’t want you to… and you cancelled the order. It showed me that not only do you know me, but that you respected me.
I love you (my boyfriend’s name). I really do.
I will post his response

Thank you for this article. My girlfriend has a "friend" that was her ex, and she thinks it is all good to lie about seeing him. It is BS, and I'm going to let her go.
I think that too many women think, "Oh he is just a friend, and he is not into me." We didn't have sex, so it is not cheating. I say- "Skank ho- goodbye."

I am a recent victim of an emotional affair. My wife of 5 years has been emotionally involved with her sisters ex-fiancee for about eight months. They were out of contact for a few years then got re-aquainted on facebook.

From that it lead to e-mails, msn messenger to phone calls and that is where I finally caught on. Looking over her cell phone bills there were calls, sometimes up to 4 per day over an eight month period, to two numbers in particular. One of the numbers was his home number and the other was his cell. Needless to say I was outraged and immediately confronted her.

At first she said it was nothing and was just confiding to a friend and that she was confiding to others and not only to him. But when I pressed the issue she confessed that yes it was getting out of hand with him and that she had already stopped calling him. I had my doubts but to my surprise she was telling the truth because the next phone bill had only one or two calls on it.

I felt that I was at fault because I wasn't giving the attention that she deserved so I made a point to work at our relationship because it meant everything to me. I thought things were going well when I intercepted a message she was writing to him on msn messenger that had all this stuff about how she missed him and all that was important to her was him and our two girls etc etc.

I flipped again and she denied it until I showed her that I saw what she wrote. After many tears on both her and my part and a tirade or two by me we got by it and I honestly think that she has not been in contact with him for about two months now.

My problem though is it seems that I am the one putting out the greater effort to make sure our relationship is healthy. She does respond to me when I make loving gestures which is a good but she is not pro-active at all. It always has to come from me first.

I guess I am wondering if it really is over between them or is she just "acting" like she is over him? How long should it take and what should I be looking for to make sure that it is over.

My husband and I have been married for 13 years and I love him dearly. He is the only man I have ever been with sexually. He is the father of my 3 children. One problem though, he is not very interested in having sex with me. On average we make love about twice per month. I have tried everything from sexy langerie to toys, etc.

A few months ago a friend and I became closer and before I knew it, we were trapped in an emotional affair. I do not want to hurt my husband, my kids, his wife or his kids. I just feel like it is good to start feeling alive again.

My husband and I have fought about this, argued, cried, seeked help, and then some. I will not ever leave my husband because of sex, but is it really wrong of me to want to feel special and loved? I am in my mid 30s, and I do not look bad physically. I do, however, feel old and unatractive with my husband.

I have tried shutting down my emotions completely and just tried to ignore the sex thing. I tried to tell myself that it is not important and that I can be happily married without it. The one thing I did not count on when shutting down your emotions is the fact that it is not like a switch that can be turned on and off. I noticed that when I shut down my emotions, I was also shutting my kids out. That broke my heart. Now I am living with my emotions, but in constant heartache.

Please help me. I love my husband and my kids. I am extremely attracted to this other man. He is smart and funny and spiritual and I can feel that he wants me. How do I pick between feeling alive and drowning my soul?

I wish I knew about this before getting into a relationship with my now EX. I also considered moving across the country for him but thank God I came to my senses. He will never understand what it feels like. All he does is tell me Ive got it wrong and that he only cares about me. He admits that he's been doing this and says he is different now. I am just supposed to forgive him and trust him all over. He goes and invites his emotionally intimate female friend to his house again, the one he was obsessed with for years, tells me later and when I get upset because all of the work it took for us to see eye to eye was all fake on his part, he says he "feels bad because she needs a friend" and this is his way of letting her down easy. It hurts because I wanted more than this with him, but I can't do this anymore. He's an
idiot.

My ex-fiancee/bf was having emotional affairs with the married teachers he worked with and with ex-gf. He does not think he did anything wrong and insists he didnt cheat on me. Because of his issues with emotional intimacy with the one he is with, he has these flirtatous relationships with these "friends" to get that high or excitement instead of actually partipating in the relationship. He flirts with them, kept them as a secret from me, never called them while with me, and actually kept me a secret from them too. He kept our engagement a secret too. I did catch him flirting sexually via email with one of his "friends" he told me when we started dating I could not meet. Because she still had feelings for him...and she is married! He even was talking to other girls behind my back from a dating site and thought there was something there with one of them. Broke up with me and within the hour, was talking to her! Never told her that he was just in a relationship an hour prior. Told her work has been busy! He dumped me and left me for a girl that ended up not returning the excitement after their first date. 4 days later, he asks me to marry him for the 2nd time! How can someone do this? How mentally instable is this to go after one girl and when she doesnt want you, you go for the second choice (the ex) and propose?! He also would compare me to ex-girlfriends, complain about me texting him (costing him money) but would text them! He is one screwed up human being.

My husband of twenty odd years has a new BFF. They have gone on trips together and shared bank account info (we have a joint account) and have even bought each other matching Clatter Ring (that cost in the neighborhood of 900.00). and yet he could not get a matching cell phone with me thought it looked to cute. she has intruded into every aspect of our lives. even going so far as to call my son who is in the army her baby when he came home for a visit. I am ready to walk out, every time I bring up that this is way out of line he tells me I am over reacting and forcing him to give up a true friend, who has taught him what love and friendship is all about. Does any one have any advise for me? I feel alone and lonely.

WOW! Dang, I'm always right!! Two nights ago, I was online and looked at my boyfriend's myspace--the first time I did this-should of done it sooner! Well, he was talking to this coffee shop girl at the hospital he worked at. They both claim nothing sexual happened (she's married) BUT the messages were extremely flirty and he even kept saying how much he thinks/dreams about her ect....WELL. LET ME TELL ALL OF YOU----THIS IS CHEATING!!!!! Yes, it does make you a dirtbag! Try putting yourself in your partner's shoes. Stop the crap and TRY BEING HONEST!!! Can you tell I'm still mad? :) ?Time to move on to bigger & better things!!!

Gee I guess I've had an emotional affair with every woman I've ever talked to . What a crock.

Woke up to a bad dream about my husband and his co-worker. I know he isn't cheating Physically anyway. He is home when he is suppose to be home. We just took in a foster daughter, I like many have lost my job. I was very busy with school and I feel guilty for my time away from my family. And feel I put to many demands on him (although) I could not help it. I am not sure how I feel about this article. I do think you can't help your thoughts but it is what you do about it. I do think with the opposite sex there is always some underlying hazy lines. It's just the very basic nature of male/female relationships. I am not sure I consider any of the above cheating but I think they are warning signs. Cheating is a symptom of a much larger problem in a relationship both ways. I wouldn't have even had this stupid dream if I felt 100% sure in my relationship, or my life. I would be totally at a loss if he left me right now. I was the money maker, I had no child. And all of the above has changed our happiness and our relationship together. Do I believe he goes to support to this girl absolutely does that bother me most certainly, is that cheating I don't think so.

i think i need some advice guys,i have a friend,i love him,he is the best person i've ever meet in my life,i trust him,love him,we r always together,hanging out together,i dono,our relationship looks like we are married,he helps me in many things,i have nobody here but him,but what is funny,he says this relationship is not serious for him,but now he has no any other girl but me,and also when i'm sayin him to be just my brother,or to be friends,again he says no,he can't....well,i can't understand him.now we r fighting a lot,and always becouse of the same reason,i can trust him now ,' couse he started to lie to me,when he is dating with other girl some where,and now we do not even have a sex,we r just stupid friends,but again,he's behaves like my husband....and i think he's also jelouse and always asks me where am i going,with who ....etc....now can u give me advice. does he loves me or no,and can i make him to tell me the truth and also i want him back into my life,i love him ....

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This article is correct,
I've been married to my wife for 35 years , we move away from her family 16 years ago , she told me that my job was driving a wedge between us, she became depressed and i could not do anything to make it right. now she has reconnected with an ex and has a new freind here. If i ask about either she get defencive and say that i dont trust her. well she is correct onthe trust part ,whenshe reconnected to the ex (found on facebook) she canged e-mail account so the family would not see that the are in contact. The new feind ,she wants to be with him more than me, if i ask why ,she said to talk and make her feel better about herself. I want to be the one that does that but i can't because she will not let me get close to her. I dont want to loose her but i think she is already gone . dont know what to do.any comments would be helpful

devistated

my partner wont admit to emotionally cheating. I cant even bring it up with out her getting defensive. Iv allowed the affair to go on hoping she would see how much I love her. She just gets more distant and seems to be pushing me away. To all those who make excuses for this kind of behavior I have a great deal of pitty for you. I know the game, been there done that. Excuses are great until you grow a consience. Guilt will eat you away unless you really are that selfish. If you see no wrong in such behavior you can say you are quite polyamorous. Platonic is a silly word, poly is more correct.

My Girlfriend From 20 Years Ago Recently Found Me On Facebook And Although She Told Me She Had No Hidden Agendas We Talked Morning Noon Night And Weekends. We Got Into A Heated Argument Recently Because She Was Complaining How Another Guy She Was Talking To Blocked Her On Fb After She Told Me She Cut All Contact With Him Because He Was Calling Her Anytime He Wanted And Her Husband Was Beginning To Question. I Felt Used And Lied To And Exploded On Her As If We Were Married. I Guess I'm A Victim Of An Emotional Affair. She Denies Having Marital Problems But Reading This Article Sure Proves Me Right.

spot on, im actually in a relationship and have a male "friend" that i do all these things with. thankyou for making me realize before i lost my boyfriend .

I think it is good because if you need information about affairs

All of this is very painful as it is all too familiar. My partner of 15 years met a woman 5 years ago while she was visiting our city. She lives on the other side of the country but he found an excuse to visit (his cousin) and they went for dinner. Since then she has had 3 children with her 'fiance' but she and my partner have recently reconnected adn been sending each other emails (which I found by 'spying' on his computer) about making love and kisses to each other. I confronted him and he says she's not important but very depressed and he's trying to make her feel better - if you want to believe that line and to top it off - she doesn't even know I exist. She thinks he's a single man who is sophisticated, well travelled, talented etc and he is all that but she has no idea that she is hurting another woman with her "dreams of lying in his arms surrounded by his body and kissing while making love". I want to confront her as well but all advice says don't - he won't admit it to how this is hurting us. I don't know what to do.

I tried to explain all of this to my husband who had an emotional affair. He continued to emphasize that he did not sleep with this woman but he crossed the line. He referred himself in an e-mail as her boyfriend and used a personal quote from our marriage with this woman. The trust is broken and I am deeply hurt. This article just validated all my thoughts and feelings.

This article is very enlightening. I have been married for three years and have two awesome kids. We have been struggling financially and my wife found a second job to help out. I could not take another job due to other commitments and a strined schedule as is. She met a guy at work, first contact being on a weekend were I had taken the kids to see there grandparents
because she needed a break. She actually had some of her new frineds over one night while I was gone, she never told me this as I found out myself and I then asked her. She just responded with that she had some friends over but never told me who. When I approached her weeks later she then listed the people she had over and there was supposedly 5 of them and he was one of them. Since that weekend they have been texting back and forth for 38 days. One day I told her that I did not like her talking to this guy at work through text? She said fine and it stopped for 7 days and he started texting her again. I know this because i saw the phone bill. In all 604 texts in 31 days or 20 per day. Does anyone out there think this is an emotional affair or a physical affair or both? I reallly need help on trying to ask her without accusing her and destroying our relationship? Please???

Perfect! Someone i know is going through this with her marraige and i've run out of advice and on what to say in order to explain that this relationship that she is continuing is unhealthy. This is PERFECT! thankyou

The article is great and gives many different views on emotional affairs. Here is my story..I am now at the beginning stages of a divorce. My husband of 9 years is divorcing me because of all similar accounts of the other comments. I am in counseling and out of the four times that I have been accused of this even she says that one may count as a possible emotional affair. I am 32 years old, attractive and have ALWAYS had male friends!! Females and I just do not bond, I have tried and the ones that I have bonded with live the kind of lifestyle that I try and stay clear of because of my husband and his feelings. I at this point am so confused!! I understand my husband & his point of views, however everything listed above and including my couselors definition of emotional affair have not taken place with the exception of one, with whom I worked everyday with in a car driving around. It's hard not to get into personal life in that situation. I feel and admit myself that particualr situation could have been nipped in in the bud had I addressed it, but I didn't. This last incident was because of the ever so famous Facebook! Now, I did not privately email this person or talk to them about my marriage, the thought of ever being intimate with this person NEVER crossed my mind! All the comments we had between eachother were out in the open, not to be hidden from anyone!!!! I have known this person since I was 15 years old! Of course judging from the past my husband took it and ran with it and it has been blown so far out of proportion it's not even reconizable. I am devistated and meant no harm at all. Over the years I have suggested couseling and he would not go. Now that he has decided to divorce me he is going to couseling. Someone please help me understand!!!!

ive been in an emotional affair since december, 4 months. we work with each other every day. We flirt and text 20-30 txts a day. Im married, hes engaged. He finds it hard to talk about his feelings and says i"ll never hurt him, he wont let anyone close. Hes very insecure but very handsome, warm kind man. Ive fell in love. A number of other men flirt with me at work, but im not intrested, though he does seem a little jealous with his comments about them. All was good until last week when i said i was going out for the day with my husband, he didnt come to work or text the following day. When he did come back, he was friendly and said he hadnt slept properly, that was all. then dropped out comments about this man who he works with and flirts with me. Theryre were not many txts in the week, i asked him yesterday via txt if id done anything to get to him, as he had seemed very distant with the txts, he said no. that was all. I said do you want to stop the txts as i miss them he said yeah think so. Im so confused and gutted, hurt. I feel like ive done something wrong and hurt him. Which i would never ever do. I wish he would open up and give me something to work with, i did push him once about how he felt after 3 months he said he loved his girlfriend, when i played it cool, he txted me saying he missed our chats. so we continued as before, txting each other. I sent him a nice pic of myself just before this latest episode, he was hurtful, and paid no compliment and said it depends on who i was trying to impress, will he be back in touch, is he jealous, im so hurt and confused.

This is great information. I would add that this is addictive behavior, and behavioral addictions are very difficult to confront and recover from. But it is possible. The person having the affair is being dishonest, avoiding real intimacy (no honesty, no intimacy) and is using both "partners." It can be hard to admit it to yourself, but if you find the person sexually attractive, you're not honestly "friends." The person being cheated on also needs to take a look at their behavior. Are they setting limits within the relationship, being true to themselves and being emotionally available to their partner? Both of these people are running on fear and need to practice living by principles within the context of an intimate relationship.This can be painful, challenging and doesn't happen overnight. But there is hope if both are willing to put principles into action. It takes 2 to tango and both are responsible for the health and well being of the marriage/relationship. But first and foremost, both must be willing to close the door on other potential partners…and then do it. Keep your side of the street squeaky clean and rebuild trust. It may take time and effort, but is worth the investment if you are truly compatible and have an existing connection that is special.

Hopefully this comment helps someone.

If you suspect that your partner is involved in an emotional affair PLEASE take these things into consideration:

- Partner may not be aware of what constitutes an EA.
- For that reason, Partner will likely deny that he/she is in the wrong.
- Accusation and demands are NOT the ways to handle this. You're likely to push Partner closer to the other person.

I don't have the answers on how to fix this - only personal experience on what not to do. Being the person who unknowingly fell into an EA, my wife and I have done all of the above, and are as a result only married in the eyes of the church and state. I never heard the term "emotional affair" until today, and the past hour of research and reading has been like being kicked in the face.

this article is right on the money....my boyfriend of 5 years has been in an emotional affair for a year and a half. I found this out recently because the other woman got engaged to her boyfriend and my boyfriend was devastated and cried because she didn't choose him. It started when she left the company and he panicked when he knew he wouldn't see her. He has always told me they were "just friends". They emailed, texted and had numerous lunch dates. There was lots of flirting to the point that he asked her for "pictures" of herself (very provocative) and he sent one of himself naked. He gave her gifts and told her last year he loved her and wanted to spend his life with her. He now wants me to forgive him and make our relationship work. I feel it's only because the other choice is being alone. I'm have a very hard time with all of this. My emotions are up and down daily. I can't get want he did out of my mind..

sometimes people marry the wrong person when they are young and naive. years go by living with someone who doesn't understand us. eventually the soul dries up. we can feel ourselves dying...can see our emotional death approaching. unexpectedly we encounter someone who is like water to our dry soul. this internal response is out of our control. the friendship quenches our thirst while the marriage continues to sucks us dry. we know what it feels to be so thirsty...how we almost died inside...and then we're told to give up that person who is like water to our soul? at least acknowledge how difficult this is to do and WHY it's so difficult. the reason of being a "cheater" is sometimes just a heartless one when it comes to certain contexts. communicating with someone who doesn't get us can be exhausting. sometimes a marriage is just bad for our health. sometimes it may seem like it is but it's workable. other times the person can't cope w/o the friend in their life so what is the friend supposed to do? leave them? hard to do when the friend loves them just as much. kinda hard to sit back and watch someone you love not get their emotional needs met. especially when it becomes obvious you're the only who can effectively do it. taking the friendship away can be as cruel as taking away the child's blankey before its time too and then forcing them to eat all the food on their plate. how can a spouse stay with their spouse when they know their spouse doesn't love them even though they try their damnest to? if they loved their spouse, they would let them go so they can find someone they are totally in love with. if they loved themselves, they would let them go so they too can find someone who truly loves them. wives especially can be so controlling and so into having everyone play their roles just right, that they are literally creating monsters out of some great men. if you can't handle what they really think, then don't expect your marriage to last. eventually men crack from the guilt after having to lie over and over to their spouse just to avoid making her cry and feel badly. you want an open and honest relationship? then prepare for things to rock your world a bit. but if you're secure in yourself as a separate person, anything shared won't cause your whole pretty world to come crumbling down. and finally, stop being so bitter towards these women your husbands fall in love with. it's not always their fault. or at least, it's less their fault then you realize or assume. wives need to take a look at themselves too. and they need to realize that some dynamic of the relationship has to change if the marriage is to survive. if they can't handle that, then it's time to call it quits. everyone has a particular deal breaker or two.

That is the advice all of us need to get. emotional affair woa that is good God bless you i have now known what happen to me some years back i am delievered from it happen to me again

so true.. i went thought that wit my now exgirlfriend bcuz of that..i couldnt deal wit it..and that was last year

hmmm i am already into this type of relationship but still i feel insecure i feel i shd always spend som time with him always!!

I have been have been doing this sort of stuff for 30 years with my childhood girlfriend, we have never been found out as of yet, we meet a few times per year for a walk and a sit down together with a kiss and a cuddle in the right places. Should we stop now.

Just to the guest above, I am sure you don't feel much about your childhood girlfriend, otherwise you would have married her. It is kind of cheating yourself and her, what a waste of time of 30 years.

I have also recently discovered my husband of 8 yrs has been having an emotional affair with a co-worker. Although he admits his friendship, he adamantly denies that he has done anything wrong because nothing physical happened. He has admitted that he loves her though. To those of you out there who think you are not doing nothing wrong with an emotional affair: YOU ARE. This has been devastating to me. The worse part is that he refuses to give up this "friend" because he will not acknowledge that he has done anything wrong. No matter how hurtful this betrayal is to me. I understand now that I have to get out of the marriage. There can be no healing in my marriage when my partner not only refuses to acknowledge his wrong-doing, but also refuses to stop it.

This situation happened to me the past year. I split up with my girlfriend 2 months ago because i felt she was not including me in her life as much as she should but apart from that I had developed feelings for an ex work colleague during this year and started to fantisize about being with her physically , i felt that we were deeper connected than myself and my partner after spending time together and sharing our most precious secrets. When i realised my feelings I tried to cut her off and was honest with my 'friend' how i felt but she did not want to loose the friendship, when i eventually did cut her off around christmast time for 1month and half i ended up conacting her cuz it was that time of year and i missed her. meanwhile my partner was with her family and not including me yet again. so we spoke for hours on the phone and agreed to meet up in new year. Since january it has been up and down trying to stop my feelings for her, i love her as a person, we went on holidays togehter have such amazing times she just does not feel the way i do about her and that is life on a intimate level she cannot be with me but she has told me she love me . She is not my way inclined and thats the problem. she had said that several times she was attracted to me but could not be with me on that level. now she has realised her feelings and has cut me off slowly but surely becasue she is afraid of this level of intimacy (because of her past) and I just have to let her go. This is the most painful thing to go through. My advice to people is nip it at the beginning when you start to feel romatic feelings walk away before you get deeper. If they are for you they wont pass you by.. it will just flow naturally!

I am apparently involved in an emotional affair right now...although I love my husband and have no thoughts whatsoever of leaving him. My friend is also married and in love with his wife. We are filling voids in each other that ou spouses...through no fault of their own...aren't able to fill. I'm sorry if that bothers some who are convinced that every emotional affair is evil and destined to bring about destruction. It's just not that way with us. We are intimate with each other, but not sexually. We love each other desperately but, are equally as happy to go home and be with our families. Our friendship does not detract from our marriages, it enhances our marriages. Our spouses are happy and our sex lives have never been better.
Maybe we are the exception but, in my opinion, not all "emotional affairs" are created equally. Some DO work...for everyone's benefit.

@ the last guest comment: you feel that it is ok because you are the one doing it. How would you feel if you knew your husband that you happily go home to also has a secret girlfriend to fill the emotional voids that you can't??

25 years ago I was in love with a boy in my last year of school and we were"firsts" for each other but due to bad family lives he went away for school and i left home and moved out on my own and got a job and meet a nice safe man and married and had 4 beautiful kids.i have just spent 20 years being the good wife,working and looking after the house and loving him and bringing up our 4 kids.He plays world of war craft all the time when he is at home and shows not interest in me at all and he admits that he is addicted to it. I have always been the rock of the family and I learnt early on that i could rely on myself as he let me down so many times emotional and with the kids.I have seen my first love many times in town but always avoid him as i still have the feelings and still love him. Just recently i invited him for a cup of coffee and he was delighted and we just clicked, he still loves me and i love him but he is married and so am i and neither want to give up the family life we have.the emails and texts were just what i needed to feel happy again and loved but then he was all i could think of day and night and I started dreaming abut him but then he went on hoilday and stopped texting as his wife didnt like it and wanted to know what was going on and i feel devastated as he doesnt want to stop either and is fighting with her, she knows that we are friends and invited me to coffee but then acted like areal bitch about it. After a month of no communication from him i get the picture that this is over and that i have to move on but it is so hard and heartbreaking....

Give me a break the guest that said that this sometimes happens because, direct quote "because the other partner may not be giving the other any kind of attention". PLEASE? I guess any kind of attention could be subjective. But, an emotional affair has been going on in my marriage for years. My husband gets up before day break drinks coffee for a few hours and just before I get up he takes off to do whatever it is he had to do in the morning before he left for work away from the house. The loving husband he is, he makes sure most days, not every day, he comes by the house before I leave for work and gives me a kiss. It used to be a very loving kiss now it is a closed mouth peck, have a good day blah blah. When I get home he is of course out doing his rounds and comes in just in time for dinner eats and walks all the way over to the couch and drops off to sleep with in 10 minutes. This would be absolutly acceptable. EXCEPT, that he has to drive 10 miles in to town to have lunch at the local bar and grill. While he is there he has a friendly chat with the bartender/waitress, who he thinks is a great bartender and would make a great bar manager if they places she works for would just give her a chance. He says that they are just friends and that she chats with him and sometimes a part-time worker he occasionally uses. In his defense he does often go through town on his way to and from places he occasionally works. But even though it is a small town there are three other restraunts and a grocery and quick stop that have deli items. True none of these places serve beer the grocery and the quick stop sells it to go. But he may stop for lunch at 11:00 and still be there at 3:00. I have come home and got there before him. I know you’re going to say that his problem is drinking and I won’t argue with you. We have had a few spats about how much he drinks, but for the most part it doesn’t interfere with his work and aside form the infatuation with this one bartender our relationship. But when this girl was working at the other bar before it closed, he acted like that there, and when she moved to the second bar he followed and continued to hang around the new bar. I would express my concern because she fit the profile of women he is attracted to and he would try to assure me that they were just friend, that she would occasionally eat lunch with him/them. Or talk shop with him while she got him beer and he waited on his lunch to come up. Most days he was spending 300% more time with this person than he was with me. When I would express this concern he would say something like keep bitching about it and I will spend more time there. But when I would not bitch about it the behavior would not stop either or slow down. On the occasion that we would go out together we always ended up at this bar, and when she was working I would watch him watch her the whole time we were there. I would sometimes be trying to talk to him about how his day had went, most of our conversation revolve around what he is interested in because, of course he isn’t interested in things he isn’t interested in. Anyway I would be talking to him and his eyes would be following her. He sometime interrupted to say something like, can you believe that guy just spilled beer on ^&^&*^*&$. Don’t want to use her name. When I would call him on that crap he would explode and want to leave. Always saying she was just friends. Funny though after they fired her he boycotted the bar for awhile and then he started back but would just have lunch and a few beers and go on. Did I not try to communicate with him, GIVE ME A STINKING BREAK? Men and women can not can not can not be just friends because sexual attraction always gets in the way. Casual friends totally. But when you make it a point to have lunch at the place the opposite sex friend works and speed more than an hour and a half every day. That’s not a casual friend. Was I paying attention to him. Hell yes was he having it Hell no.

Mine ended today!...I am crushed but also relieved if that makes any sense.I am married 22 years and my wife and I have fallen into the blahs of a long relationship,Not as bad as some,we have our moments of pure joy but they are sporadic...An old high school flame re-entered my life after almost 30 years and withing weeks it was woooosshhhhhh!! Total obsession and energy.We did agree to not have sex together,keep it going,we are friends first,this is worth it and ALL the rest.Fast Forward to now.This could not continue.My every though is now for this other woman and she me.I love you's were exchanged (started by me...biggest mistake I made).When that emotional thread was tied that was it.It had to end.I will miss her terribly,but look forward to the day when I can get back to devotion to my wife first and foremost.In reality this was nothing but a "May-September" fling.....Emotional affairs are murder on your state of mind and marriage.They may look fun and harmless.NOTHING could be further than the truth.I am looking forward to the shroud being lifted that was covering my eyes.Thankfully it has ended before anything really happened,but we were headed down a path that is littered with casualties.My wife need not know about this as it will be my (and my other's) cross to bear.Again I'm relieved!

2 weeks ago I wasn't aware something like EA was possible.
I'm 30,my wife 29. I've known my wife for 6 years now, been married for 2. Things started to go bad almost right away. She changed like day and night. Turned to be verbal abusive, belligerent at any given moment, stressed, frustrated, negative, bad mannered, selfish. My opinion never counted, my preferences neither. Weather it was choosing the restaurant or a movie I always ended choosing what she wanted, because a way or another she was being passive aggressive and manipulating. Yes, my fault was to let her get away with it and to be too proud to admit those were real problems. I did try to talk to her about how much harm she was doing but she was stone walling me saying not only I was the one playing the victim but I was also pointing her as the bad person. This "routine" went on and on for almost to years. Then recently I woke up and realized something inside me just broke.
I moved from Europe for my wife. I left all family and friends, my town my hobbies, all I collected in 30 years of my life I left it, for my wife. I came to USA where English is my second language, found a good job, settled down as a good person, in my new life. At the beginning I thought it was me seeing my wife differently, then I thought she was stressed from work, then after all the possible excuses, I realized that she was just showing me the real her.
At work I have a co-worker having something in common with me. She is not American, she is going though a divorce. It all started with a chat in the breakroom, then her calling me her best friend, then her telling me she loves me (in a friendly way), then me not only being happy hearing that but also responding with I love you back. The way she looks at me makes my heart pound. I started bringing her flowers I made with paper, and hiding anonymously in her locker, I liked the way she was looking at me when seeing them. I've learn few words in her mother tongue to tell her nice things. Then one day I invited her to go out with me to do something important to me, something my wife turned down with no reasons, with several no and several excuses. She said yes. And there I stopped.
I realized what was going on. EA, call it what you want. I was filling the holes my wife created in me with love for my co-worker, back and forth.
I have 9 yes out of 10 on the quiz: are you having an EA? What's not happening is me sharing the problems I have with my wife with my co-worker. She does not know I am going to counseling and that I have been thinking about the worst case scenarios in my future relationship/marriage. I somehow managed to keep that strictly personal.
Yes some of you will say my wife pushed me to that. I say: I hate myself for this.
I have feelings for my co-worker, more than I'm allowed to have, more than I'm supposed to, more than I can admit. I think of her obsessively. I'm worried about her, I try hard not to spend time alone with her at work despite my cravings. I stopped getting her presents, talking her nice, because whatever is happening it's wrong. and it hurts like hell because I cannot control it. If I sit down and read what I have been writing so far I would probably cry because I do not want this to happen.I can't stop thinking/dreaming/fantasizing about her. I am struggling to leave my co-worker, to leave my job because the physical distance will surely help. If I think in 20 minutes I'm @ work and she is there it turns my stomach upside down.
I have been going to counseling along for the past 2 weeks, maybe next week I will manage to bring my wife with me but she has already tried to limit the topics we can talk about in front of a counselor.
I wrote so much and with so many details because one thing i understood is that the less i keep it inside the better it is, and the more i read about other's bad situations the less i feel alone.

This term is dangerous. I value community. I don't think that couples should isolate themselves. Lying about where you are is damaging of course, but its not an affair. Spending time with another person does not impregnate them or spread STDs. I almost had to give up one of my best friends because of this idea. My boyfriend didn't treat me very well so I broke up with him. When I decided to get back together with him, he singled out one of my good friends. From the very start, I was perfectly honest about my communication with my friend to my boyfriend and I never hung out with my friend alone, and when we hung out in groups, I made sure that my boyfriend was there. The jealousy was out of control. My boyfriend was more concerned about my relationship with my friend than my boyfriend's relationship with me. That kind of tightening grip was suffocating to me. We had to break up over this. It was sad. When my boyfriend finally talked to my friend about what happened, he realized how much respect my friend had for the relationship with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend regrets his behavior. There's a statistic that says half of "emotional" affairs turn into physical ones. What about the other half? Men and women are generally attracted to each other regardless of levels of commitment. But there is a certain strength in knowing you're attracted to someone and choosing to stay faithful with the person you are committed to. Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean you have to make things physical. Its bogus to believe that relationships between men and women can exist without some level of attraction. The only problem I see with an "emotional" relationship is when lying is present. That would be deceptive and hurtful no matter what is being lied about. But I think this term is dangerous and is too quickly tossed around.

Hello, I have unfortunately found your website really interesting because of my wife and after reading your forum it has only confirmed my gut feeling about what was going on at work with her and her work partner. We have been married 35 years, and my wife has a girlfriend who she confides in and vice versa, I cannot and never will get between them. A couple of quiet 30 minutes long distance phone calls which I couldn't pick up on only made the feeling worse. My wife and myself were invited to a work function out of town a short time ago, this was the first time I had met him, we sat at the same table, he beside his pregnant wife whom I had no idea what she must have been thinking, he talked right in my wifes face all night, I could hardly get a word in while she just sat right beside and smiled and smiled and smiled at me with saying anything. She had been at her new job for 6 months and immediately after starting she would always come home and quite happily start talking about him, after a short while his name became shortened. My wife arrived home one night extremely calm telling me he was the expectant father and she was going gift buying for him, I found out later this was their 5th child and it wasn't due for another 6 months. (I would love to have read the card) and makes me wonder what he may have already bought for my wife. Was the baby gift bought in return for something? We had a cyclone through our county and the first name she mentioned when she came home after it was his, in fact his was the only name she mentioned all night. I had a gut feeling by now their was a bit more than a high wind blowing around. I was allowed to send emails to her at work, all 4 of them at different times, however after I sent one about her and him carrying on at work, (this had to be broken open), she stormed in the door flying right off her handle at me, abusing, accusing me at full noise, changing her story at every twist and bend putting everything back onto me. If there was nothing going on why didn't she joke about it? when I mentioned the baby gift, she immediately told me that was for 'SOMEONE ELSE'S BABY', I still don't believe her, she eventually made 5 different excuses over that gift, changing the story at every turn until she had it right. In all my 40 years of knowing her I have never never ever seen her so infuriated. This went on for 10 days, she wouldn't talk straight to me no matter how nice I was, and I was polite, she even asked me if I wanted to end our marriage in one of her rages, in bed, anywhere, it didn't matter, she was violently giving anything she could back onto me and to date she still has not answered my questions, all I asked for were some answers. She also told me after she started the new job that he was going to come and visit us, I now wonder why. My wife also initiated texting between them but this however was short lived perhaps due to their liaison at work, she asked another workmate for his number. I feel there was definitely something going on in the office and on their work phones. One day I rang the business on a completely separate matter and could hear what sounded like my wife jesting, teasing or mocking someone in the background with a bit of volume I found out the next day that he had been at work that morning from out of town, I can only guess that everyone at work must have known about the whole thing, they always say the partner is the last to find out and I quite believe it. I can also remember another recent time when asking for her at work the the telephonist was almost in a giggle when he said she was a bit busy. I asked her on how her girlfriend knew his name when she visited but I was told extremely quickly that it was over a football score. She was standing in front of our garage with a smile on her face and when I asked if she had a boyfriend she asked me straight back if I had a girlfriend, she still hasn't answered........ Thanks for your help everyone, much appreciated and am looking forward to hearing something back.

i appreciate this article. i feel it is important to understand in black in white possible healthy boundaries. I think that all relationships need boundaries and enforcement of them. I think all men and women, i am a female,but have brothers whom i care about very much, deserve honesty and respect in relationships. clear cut boundaries are vital to healthy relationships and demanding anything less is not helpful to the partner that is not receiving what they need. men and women, please understand your worth and what you will accept. if your partner is not conducting themselves in appropriate ways, it is time to really take a look at what it is you need and will accept, don't let them tell you what you are worth and what they think you should accept.

I think this article is a good one comparing friendship and Emotional affair, it is really delecate a very thin line between the two, somehow some people may be able to draw a line between the two, but normally it may not be so easy to separate them, as they are so close but at the same time far away.