After the Affair

How to Save Your Relationship After Cheating

May 16, 2007
Cherie Burbach

Move on After an Affair - cohdra/Morguefile

Saving a relationship after your partner has committed infidelity can be a difficult thing to do. But it is possible. Here are some tips to help you move on.

Cheating can be a difficult thing to confront your partner with. After all, you want to trust them. If you suspect your partner of cheating, you have to confront them honestly and directly. You will only be able to move on from the issue of cheating once you've determined the level of unfaithfulness your partner has committed.

Forgive Your Partner So You Can Move On

You have every right to be angry and hurt, but doing something to retaliate for your partner's infidelity will not help you feel any better in the long run. Don't commit an act you'll one day regret.

Forgiving your partner for cheating can be the most difficult thing you'll ever do. But it is key to moving on both in the relationship and from it. Remember, though, once you forgive your partner, you're not allowed to keep bringing up the issue. Live with the belief that your partner is working on the relationship as hard as you are. Bringing up the past for no good reason (even when you're angry and hurt) will only serve to hinder you both from moving forward.

After an Affair You Need to Deal with Underlying Relationship Issues

Cheating is wrong, let's be clear about that. Sometimes one partner's affairs may have more to do with their own character flaws than with issues in the relationship. Some people are cheaters, plain and simple. But if this is not the case in your relationship, you need to come to terms with underlying issues between the two of you. Seek professional help if you need to. Without doing this step, you will likely continue with a relationship that is rocky at best.

Work on Making Your Relationship Stronger

Get back to the roots of why you fell in love. Go on dates again! Participate in activities that help you be a team. Surround yourself with friends who support your relationship.

One final thought is to make sure the affair has really ended. A promise that your partner will end the affair is not the same as truly ending it. Be clear on the fact that in order to continue with the relationship, your partner must have already ended the affair and will not engage in another one. No compromises on this one.

Cherie Burbach - Cherie Burbach writes about dating, relationships, health, sports, and lifestyle. She's the author of eleven books and ebooks.

Comments

May 12, 2008 3:39 PM

Guest :

That's not enough, I cheated after my husband cheated and it hurt me at first but then I started to enjoy hurting him and yes it hurt him but we still love eachother but were apart now where do we go from here?

Sep 26, 2008 4:28 PM

Guest :

my bf has cheated on me 4 times, and each time i forgave him. Everytime i forgive him, he seems to do it again after he promises me he will not do it again. i love him so much and do anything for him. Everyone agrees that he treats me wrong, but he says he loves me. we have just gotton back together after a few months apart. he keeps meeting up with his ex's and he knows it hurts my feelings. he just says i dont trust him, can you blame me? then tonight he took a walk in the late evening with his drunk ex. what am i ment to think. im so confused atm, i just wanna be happy with him and i now dont know what to do. Do i give up and be unhappy and ruin my education, or keep with it and see what happens this time, like ive done every single time. he says hes changed? has he

Oct 1, 2008 5:46 AM

Guest :

no sweetie he has not and will not change. He obviously does not value you or he would not continue to hurt you. He has learned his bad behavior will be tolerated and like a dog when there are no consequenses to bad behavior there is no motivation to change it.

Nov 3, 2008 8:22 PM

Guest :

I agree, he has not learned. Run for the door. Those are all signs of more pain to come. I have been in his shoes. He will cheat again.

Nov 15, 2008 9:48 AM

Guest :

me and my bf have both cheated on each other 4 times, ive always done it first, so my friends say its just to get bk at me!! but if you love sumone how can u cheat?? weve been together 2 years on and off now, and we are now engaged his way of showing me hes changed but i just cant get over the parroinier i dont even trust him wen hes at work or ment to be at home.. but i reali want to make this work

Nov 19, 2008 11:27 AM

Guest :

I'm confuse not sure what to think. My bf and I been together for 11 yrs we have two beautifull young boys a 3yrs and 1yr old. The first year we started together he cheated on me, i forgave and never talked about it again. Now I have a bad feeling is doing it again. His a trucker and on the road all week. I found that he was texting a girl the way he shouldn't of been and told me he was just joking with her, and now her number is on his cell bill.. I want to confront him with it but now sure how to do so.. don't want to bring the past back, but i feel like i have no choice. What should I do?

Dec 4, 2008 7:45 PM

Guest :

I just found out my boyfriend has been calling other girls from his phone bills. he has called these two girls only around 6 times in the past 3 months and each time has been after we have a fight. he is on a trip right now and he's getting back in 5 days. i have been confused and devastated for the past 2 weeks trying to figure out what to do. but one thing i have learned from this and talking to my mother and my friends is that when your partner knows that you need him and that no matter what you're not gona be able to leave him, he will take advantage of it. you should always let your boyfriend know that as soon as he makes one mistake you WILL leave him. he needs to know that you dont need him to survive. this was the mistake i made with my boyfriend. i always told him im not going anywhere and that i dont want to be with anybody else ever. so now, when he gets back in 5 days i plan on breaking up with him and not answering any of his calls until he cries the same amount of tears i cried. and after that, depending on how things go, maybe we'll work on our relationship, but trust me, this time, things are going to be alot different.

Dec 10, 2008 8:15 AM

Guest :

My Boyfriend almost cheated on me but didnt go through with it. I just am not sure what to do he seem sincerly sorry and is hurting as much as i am. I found a condom in his back pocket while i was doing laundry and when i called him he admitted to it right away and said he wasnt gunna lie about it. I want to make this work i just dont know if ill ever trust him again im very confused please help

Dec 12, 2008 9:58 AM

Guest :

i am in a similar situation, except its my girlfriend. i felt as if something was wrong, just didnt know exactly what it was, that is until i asked to use her phone. she refused. she said that i couldnt see the phone because she was planning some sort of surprise for my birthday and didnt want it to be ruined. i told her that i was now very suspicious, and the situation escalated, it was clear to me that she was trying to hide something. so after finally getting her to give up the phone i quickly went through the messages. i found in the inbox a picture from another guy shirtless. then i quickly went to the sent messages, where i found that she had sent him a picture of her but wearing only underwear. the guy is one of her sisters friends. she swears to me that all happened is that he once while leaving her sisters house leaned in and gave her a kiss, and that she did not kiss back. i dont know what to believe as that she lied to me down to the point i opened the message, saying that it was from one of her girlfriends. i very much love her and want to fix things and she says that she is sorry. what do i do?? How can i even trust her, how do i know she did not have sex with this guy since she was so willing to lie to me before? she promises that she cut off all communication with him but how do i know if this is true? one thing she told me i believe is that this started the day before thanksgiving, did i possibly catch it before any real damage happened? please someone help me i am in a world of pain.

Dec 18, 2008 2:36 PM

Guest :

I Don't think what ever I do could help me ever forget and forgive what the father of my son put me through while I was having his son . He still denies it to this day and the baby is already one yrs old. But I still love him.

Dec 24, 2008 7:21 AM

Guest :

my boyfriend cheated on me a week or so ago. he was drunk and blacked out is what he says. its hard to believe anything because i feel so hurt, but i love him. but i hate him at the same time. i just feel numb. and its guna be hard because im guna be paranoid and always thinking about where he is. drinking is guna have to stop. he has a problem. its just horrible. i want things to go back to normal but i know things can never be. thats something that cant be taken back.

Dec 27, 2008 6:25 PM

Guest :

Ya so my husband deployed back in march 08 and almost immediatly he started questioning my faithfullness. time passed and things just got worse, so i ventured out and gave him something to not trust me, i knew it was wrong and told him as soon as it happened, since then nothing even close has happened, i no longer talk to the guy and have commited myself to my husband 100%. he tells me he forgives me but then brings it up all the time, then he tells me that 2 years ago he cheated on me with my sister!! (now my sister is a different story) but i told him it was in the past and we can move foward. we do so well, but if there is any discrepancy in anything that i tell him that i am doing in the day, and what i actually do, its an interigation. i have told him several times that that was the only thing i did and he keeps looking for some crazy story that is not there. how long does it take to heal? i tried taking the advise above and i forgave and forgot, but how long will it take him? and when he gets back, will it be great till he deploys again? Also..... the army is not helping becuase they drill into thier heads that everyday thier spouses are out with another man just giving it out like nothing, so thats not helping... has anyone else gone thru this??? please help!

Dec 28, 2008 4:37 AM

Guest :

my fiance has been cheating on me for over a month. he said that it was an emotional affair and not a physical affair. i am not sure what to believe. i told him that we can start fresh but it is so hard to deal with. my emotions are so mixed right now. i want to cry half of the times and other times i want to get even. i have been cheated on before in a 8 year relationship and i was able to walk away from it but this time it is so much harder. i have the girls phone number. i just keep thinking should i call her? or just let it go.

Dec 28, 2008 7:11 PM

Guest :

I cheated on my bf by taking a picture kissing a ex. How will he ever forgive me/? Can it be fixed. It' meant nothing. I can't explain why i did it...

Jan 3, 2009 4:51 AM

Guest :

i started dating my girlfriend a year new years eve 2007, i cheated two months later when i barely knew her and wasnt in love.. I wanted to keep it a secret cuz she was cool... As Months and months go by, i started to fall for my girl, i put that one unfaithful night behind me as if it were a dream.... i fell in love with her.... so it was a year exactly when the girl i cheated with told her... only a few days ago.. My girl loves me and i love her but she's very confused right now... do i let her go, do i derserve her.. im lost

Jan 20, 2009 5:29 PM

Guest :

I was caught "cheating" on my boyfriend of over a year. After he had dumped me and I went to a friend's house(that was a guy)and after he comforted me we ended up having sex. My boyfriend and I got back together.A month later he was looking through my e-mails and found a message about it. I do not know what to do. I don't want to give my boyfriend up. I have stopped the relationship w. the other guy right away and we aren't talking at all. I want my boyfriend back but I don't know how? HELP!!!!

Jan 20, 2009 5:37 PM

Guest :

Jan 20, 2009 5:42 PM

Guest :

Feb 22, 2009 7:57 AM

Guest :

Well, if you cheated on your boyfriend and he found out about the affair. Then, remember you will need to buildup the trust in your relationship. That is going to be so difficult for both of you. You need to delete all emails from the boyfriend that was comforting you. That is what guys say all the time let me comfort you and then you end up having sex with them. You need to get comfort from your priest,mother,father,brother or sister or good friend that is female.

Feb 22, 2009 8:04 AM

Guest :

All those guys and chicks that cheat will never change. They will still be a cheater. My son's girlfriend cheated on her other boyfriend with my son. Then she dumped her old bf so my son and her could be a couple. Then low and behold she moves out and goes to another guy house for comforting. Yeah! My son cried for over 5 days straight and was unable to eat due to the breakup. Then they get back together so she has to punish him but hitting him on the arm 27 times and his arms are really bruised up. He says that he is an abused husband. Now tell me what to do with that one.

Feb 23, 2009 9:52 AM

Guest :

My husband cheated on me last October and we are trying to work though it. I truly believe he is sorry and won't do it again but I can't stop thinking about it and bringing it up. What do I do? How do I move on?

May 25, 2009 6:09 AM

Guest :

Have been friends with my bf for 4 years, and have only been dating for 5 months. I was aware of a girl he was very keen on when we were just mates, but she treated him appallingly. I encouraged him t stop seeing her, just when we were mates, as no one needs friends like that. Now I know that they are chatting regulary through facebook, though he hasn't told me this, a friend mentioned it to me. I feel like I don't want to be paranoid cos I have been cheated on twice before, but he practically dragged me away when we bumped into her, and he smells of perfume that isn't mine. Want another perspective if poss, thanks!

May 30, 2009 9:40 PM

Guest :

While I believe that me and my bf which I know for almost 15 years have not a good relationship, and always thought for separation, we still ended up married and having a child together. He has cheated me previously, and I cared less since I wanted our relationship to end at all the times. Lately, I just found out his new developed obsession for having new dates with any thing that flies around. I decided for divorce lastly, but he is begging my for forgiveness. Unfortunately, in the mean time I am trying to get over an very strong infatuation, which is totally nonsense I know, which started a year ago. We haven't have any physical contact. but I see him every day and I get sick any time I see him. And I even don't want to go in a relationship with him, because I know he has a gf, and I told him that in the message, which I think turned him down.
any thought someone how can I get over this infatuation while my marriage is not working? Should I forgive my husband again? I have lost trust though.???

Jun 16, 2009 2:14 AM

Guest :

my boyfriend was cheating on me 2 months ago and that woman is pregnant now.he is saying he love me and want to b wth me,he is saying it was a mistake...i am still wth him,but screaming and crying every time i c him...we still dont know if she is going to keep it or no...he was cheating,but he keeps asking me,if i am meeting somebody...i think he is just too sure i will b always here for him,but i cant anymore...feels like he is taking an advantage of me...i dont know what to do...my hearth is saying to b wth him,but my brain shouts:run away!!!i am so unhappy and depressed.:-(((

Jul 7, 2009 9:03 AM

Guest :

I've recently cheated on my boyfriend of 2 and a half years while on my senior trip. I feel completely horrible about the situation and i would do anything in my power to take it back. I love him so much and i cant believe that i hurt him like that. he didn't do anything to deserve it. He has forgiven me to some extent but sometimes has these "attacks" where he drills me with questions and insults. I try to take it as best as possible because i know that i deserve it, but i just want to make things better again. I can't take this roller coaster ride anymore. I love him so much and i want to be with him for the rest of my life. What can i do to make this better?

Jul 17, 2009 5:12 PM

Guest :

I have cheated on my wife 4 times and she has forgave me everytime. I am seeking help now but i think it maybe to late. I truely love my wife but my action speak different. I know i can change i know i can I just need some help. she has said she is filing papers, she comes home late, she is short with me but i know she loves me and want to be with me but I have hurt her so bad. This is her 3rd marriage and my first can we save this. we have been married for 7years. I really love my wife I need help I want to fix this anyone.

Aug 2, 2009 12:20 AM

Guest :

I having problems with my girl and i really need some help from anybody reading this. well i got back with my girl and we were both really happy. Well she got in my myspace n saw i message i wrote and it said " yea she forgot all bout me, she got over me," but dat waz when we were not goin out. But she also thinks i like someone else. well before i started liking some other girl n my heart waz broken but it waz being fixed. but somehow i got bakk with my girl and now shes really disappointed i me and so confused now i just dont know what to do now. i did my best to make her feel better but it didnt work. she tells me its gunna take alot to convince her. i dnt know what to do now. please could someone help me because im suffering to much right now.

Aug 13, 2009 3:21 PM

Guest :

I recently found out that my husband cheated on me while I was away. Of course he didn't say anything and when I asked him about the woman his expression change. He couldn't find the right words. He was trying to tell me she was just a person he was...,didn't get a chance to finish when I showed him the e-mails. Of course I'm hurt with all of this, but he has said that he is very sorry about it and that I didn't deserve what he did. How can I forgive him when after he tried to hide it? Was only sorry 'cause he got caught. What do I do from here? I gave him everything he needed, what else is there for me to give? He wants to work things out and change our marriage for the best, but I'm not sure what I want especially since I'm not even mad he cheated. it's just the excuse he gave me for doing it. Do I make him do things for me and keep me extremely happy? or do I crush him? Is there something wrong with me?

Sep 3, 2009 8:43 AM

Guest :

i moved in with my boyfriend 3months ago and things got a little strained to the point where he cheated on me. He went out with a friend and while he was out I collapsed and got taken into hospital...my friend had text him saying that i was getting taken back to my families house after the hospital. Instead of coming to see me he took another girl back to our flat, had sex with her for three hours in the morning in our bed...and it was my birthday! To make matters worse I knew her...my friend used to go to school with her.
That same morning he came to see me and after an hour or so broke down and told me what he had done.
I'm not sure what to think. I know it was just that one time and I can see he is genuinely sorry but I just can't get it out of my head. I want to be able to forgive and forget but I'm not sure if i can even though I love him with all my heart. I can't bear the thought of touching him right now as he is covered with bite marks and scratch marks from her!
He is doing everything to try and show me how sorry he is. For me it isn't just the cheating part...its the fact that it was on my birthday of all days...while i was ill and he lied a lot about the details of that day...so much so i had to find out what really happened from her!

Could you forgive someone for doing that?

Sep 16, 2009 11:20 AM

Guest :

My girlfriend cheated on me & then denied it was cheating, she claimed we were broken up for those 3 hours, each time. She equates fighting with breaking up. I did dump her when I found out about the cheating, in that time she slept with her abusive ex. We met and spent the night together later and she went on a date the next night, all the while telling me how sorry she was and how she wanted to get together. We still see each other but not exclusively. I know once a cheater, always a cheater, she will never change. If you bf/gf/wife/husband has cheated leave. They will never change. If you forgive them for the cheating & you stay together they will just think you are stupid and cheat on you again. ALWAYS LEAVE A CHEATER, THERE IS NO LIFE AFTER CHEATING.

Oct 5, 2009 8:24 AM

Guest :

To the Guest who posted on Sept 3rd,
You asked "Could you forgive someone for doing that?" and my answer is no. For the rest of my life, my birthday will remind me again and again, what he did. Some will tell you that you forget in time, but you are not invested in him that you should wait. If you are not married to him and have no children with him, go find yourself someone who will treasure you and run to your side when you fall ill. Your boyfriend saw an opportunity and he took it. He used sex as a method to avoid you and the problems and stresses of your relationship. You have no reason to believe he won't do this to you again.
I speak from experience. My husband hid from the stresses of our marriage with sex. He waited 9 years to tell me the truth. He had sex with two of his co workers through two of my three pregnancies. I could not find forgiveness and I divorced him. Unfortunately I have to deal with him daily because of the children. My advice is get out while you can, if you can. He will not change.

Oct 5, 2009 8:52 AM

Guest :

I'm sure you have heard the expression " what comes around, goes around ", well I sure got what I deserved! I met a married man in college. We had an affair. His wife was pregnant at the time, but that didn't interest me, I thought I found love. This was special, something worth breaking all the rules for. Who cares what others will think, this is not worth walking away from. I always thought this one would break my heart, I never expected him to leave her. Well he did leave her and we married. After 12 years of marriage he told me that he had slept with 2 other women while we were married and 2 different women before we were married but while he was still married to wife #1 and having an affair with me! He has come to a crossroad in his life, where he needs everything out in the open for him to continue. It was all too much for me. I often think of telling his first wife that she was lucky, she got out when she did. He was messing around through 2 out of the 3 pregnancies I had. Why did I think I would be any different? Why didn't I see him for who he really is? My children are the only reason why I must endure daily contact with him. I have divorced him but it doesn't help the pain. To all those who can walk away from a relationship before it becomes part of your permanent life and involves children, I offer these words of wisdom.....it may seem impossible but there is a tomorrow. Enter your tomorrow without having to question the loyalty and trustworthiness of the one you love. You deserve more. You deserve better. You deserve someone who lives to make you happy not someone who lives to make it up to you. Be strong enough to leave now, there is love out there. This is not the love you deserve. Go find it.

Oct 16, 2009 11:54 AM

Guest :

I have been with my bf for 6 yrs,i have cheated on him a lot of times, i do love him, but i feel that its an addiction, he does not know about me cheating on him but i feel so guilty all the time.. should i tell him..

Oct 16, 2009 5:42 PM

Guest :

Im with a guy who is very sweet and very thoughtful but i dont know what to do all my friends keep telling me he is cheating but i never believed them until i looked at my friends phone and saw what he said to an other girl. and it was everything he has said to me and i dont know what to do or say to him everytime he just says hes going to change and he hasnt and wont but i love him so much

Oct 20, 2009 8:57 AM

Guest :

IVE Been with my girlfriend for a year and some months now and i cheated on her but i never did anything wit the girls but 2 and i jus kissed them.. she kissed a boy and she let him fill her up.. i really love her and want her bak how do i get her to start talking to me again and how do i fix what i messed up? i really need help wit this

Oct 28, 2009 1:30 AM

Guest :

if someone cheats on you more than once after being caught out and desperate for forgiveness they will never change.
i have been cheated on way too many times. 6 weeksAfter the birth of my second daughter.aparently there wasnt enough bedroom action...many other times,also blamed on bedroom action and most recently while my son was ill in hospital he got another woman pregnant.....not ever would he change .he always blamed me and has never taken responsibility.Emotional abuse is the way i see it all and many times have i wished him dead.I would love to just get him completly out of my life as still to this day he is controling me AND spying on me.I fiond it a great shame i had 3 children with somebody who i regard as dirt on my shoe.

Dec 14, 2009 5:32 PM

Guest :

If you've been cheated on, try The Rescue You Program to heal the wounds. Best wishes.

Dec 29, 2009 5:51 PM

Guest :

i think this is great advice my boyfriend and i will work on it! Thanks so much!!!!

Jan 6, 2010 8:57 PM

Guest :

I was in a cross country relationship, I was cheating on the lady I love (girl A) with a lady here (girl T). Unfortunatly I can not get back cross country till I find a job there, this may take a month or two. I have stopped the affair but girl A says it is to late. She is the only girl I have ever wanted to marry, the only lady I have truly loved and the only one I could see holding our child. I have destroyed it because of my cheating. She says that she can not trust me anymore, I know that if I were within seeing distance of her (ie at least I could drive to see her when ever I missed her) it would not have happened. As it was we could only see each other every four to six weeks for the weekend. We would talk all the time on the phone and really connected. She said that I have so many good traits but once cheater ... . I dont beleive this, I beleive that I can and have changed. Can anyone out there please tell me if they have cheated and gotten back together and never cheated again.

Jan 8, 2010 3:07 PM

Guest :

my boyfriend has cheated on me several times, all when he was really drunk, I know he is stupid when he drinks and it has always been a problem and he says he will never cheat again and he loves me but I am not sure I know I love him but I dont know how he really feels I dont know what to do????

Jan 14, 2010 8:46 PM

Guest :

I've got a question as well I'm the victim on this matter the guy thats me my fiancee has caught me twice loking at other chicks online and the second time i was talking not just looking but wasnt really serious with any of it just not realizing that I messed up u know and she forgived me and where still together but its been a week and she want stop bringing it up even though I'm trying to do what I promise which was never to do it again and that I'd make it up to her I've been mre romantic I've held her and comfort her and told every minute that I love her and try to show her i love her and try to show her that I'm really trying to make this work i dont know any advice would be appreciated thanks so much.

Jan 26, 2010 6:26 PM

Guest :

I met my man when I was 16 and immediately moved in with him. He was a bit older. I moved away from my family to his home city and promised my life to him. He has an addiction to games and would often spend days and nights playing. After five years living together we were barely having sex four times a year. We never talked even though we were together all the time. We started working together and he became obsessed with money and we were working 12hrs a day 7 days a week. He was promoted and became my boss which made things much worse between us. I felt alone and when I went away on business someone showed me attention and it was like what I had needed for so long. I slept with this man and immediately cried afterward as I felt my entire life thrown away for two minutes of a happy feeling. I had spoken to him countless times about the lack of attention and sex and communication but it was like talking to air. I told him immediately after I came home and we started to work on things. He is actually over it because it is extremely out of character for me. I on the other hand can't seem to forgive myself. I feel like well I can't even explain how I feel about myself but its horrible. While I know in the three years since the incident I have never even thought about another man I am afraid it won't work because I can't forgive myself which constantly makes me want to leave so I can find a man who in my own perception doesn't see me in a negative light. Things are starting to get bad again in our relationship and we just argue instead of finding a solution. Has anyone else been through this? Does this horrible feeling go away?

Jan 27, 2010 3:50 PM

Guest :

I have cheated on my boyfriend with someone we were both close to. I lost two good friends and almost lost him. He wants to be with me now because he says I deserve nothing good to ever come to the future of my life, and that I do not deserve to move on without him putting me down. In the past he made me believe that people make mistakes we are all human. We can always learn from our mistakes. I make one mistake and I don't no how to feel. Does that make me not human? If not I'd like to know what. We were great together and I still love him. I just don't know what to do.

Jan 28, 2010 3:32 AM

Guest :

RE: "i started dating my girlfriend a year new years eve 2007, i cheated two months later when i barely knew her and wasnt in love.. I wanted to keep it a secret cuz she was cool... As Months and months go by, i started to fall for my girl, i put that one unfaithful night behind me as if it were a dream.... i fell in love with her.... so it was a year exactly when the girl i cheated with told her... only a few days ago.. My girl loves me and i love her but she's very confused right now... do i let her go, do i deserve her.. im lost"

I had something similar happen to me, only in this case I was the one who was cheated on. I suppose it didn't help that I found out about it myself and, after over a year of contenting myself that back when it did happen I had thought he was just confused or scared to commit, it was a huge blow to find out that my instinct was correct. Even more shocking, he denied it constantly and only half-admitted in the end. Now we don't talk about it but because we never dealt with it head first to begin with (or because HE never, he can hardly speak about it without getting frantic) it has only led to more problems. I can't have sex with him because I think I'm ugly - I've always had self-image problems but now I've truly lost all positivity - and whenever we do I start off not enjoying it and feeling horribly self-concious. Whenever we don't have sex I feel even worse because I think he doesn't find me attractive, and the other night we almost started to but he 'had a headache'. I can't tell you if things will get better because I don't know if they will for me either. I sincerely hope they do because I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved him, and I assume you would say the same about your other half. But I would say be OPEN. Don't resolve to 'never mention it again', at least until every question and worry has dissipated. That's the mistake I made, being so angry and unable to talk to him properly. Things will never be the same after, and that's so hard to get used to, but talk openly and don't let anything sit inside your head or it'll only wind up worse. Good luck. x

Feb 2, 2010 4:11 AM

tsha :

well i have been into a serious relationship for almost 3 yrs now n did every possible thing for my boyfriend but he took me for granted on many ocassions n wat really triggered was, he didnt even give a rose on my bday when he was with me whole day. he said he wanted to get me lillys n he cudnt find them coz it wasnt jus d season.Anyways he went to see his family n didnt call once in one week it really hurt me n den i started spending time with one of my male frens n i ended up sleepin with him not once 10-12 times as he made me feel wanted.So i planned to end everythn with my bf to b with dis new guy n den wen my bf said ok its over i realised i cant b without him n i cant giv love to anyone else except him now so i told tat guy its over n m goin back he bcame very abuse and hit me couple of times but after tat also i ened up sleepin with him couple of times.Now i am bac with my bf i do think abt dis other guy coz he was so carin n all but then i love my bf so much n i kno if i leave him he wil b al shattered i have told my bf everythn n he says he has forgiven me.But i cant even kiss my bf now sex is out of d question my bf is so annoyed.I dono wat shud i do m so confused how can i cheat on my bf if i loved him coz i have never ever cheated in my previous relations n actually i was d one cheated.What if v get married n den i cheat again on him.I dono shud i carry on wit my bf or with tat other guy or jus leave both of dem.PLZZZZZ help now i know de worst thing u can do to ur ownself is cheating on ur partner..

Feb 9, 2010 12:17 PM

Guest :

ok so i cheated 5 years ago i kissed another bloke behind my Now fiances back
I thought things would be ok once he forgave me but every time we have an argument he throws it in my face.
I cant take back what i done trust me if i could i would !!
I am 24 and we have a 2 year old boy
I was 17-18 when i cheated i was still a child really immature if you like I dont think its fair he throws it in my face
Recently i had a misscaraige and this has got me very down he is saying i aint showing him any love anymore but i find it hard when i feel rotten all the time now he is acting like i want to leave saying stuff like i dont care break my heart AGAIN
I dont know what to do i am scared of being a single mum !!

Feb 15, 2010 10:19 AM

Guest :

Me and my gf have been together for almost 3 yrs. About a yr in a half ago we werent doing so well and i was not "getting any" and at that time I wasnt sure what I wanted more her or that. So I began the act of cheating - with penetration and I stopped. I hated it. I felt discusting. I knew right when it happend it was wrong and I only wanted her. I've never had the desire to be with anyone else since. I told her about it about 3 weeks ago and now every time I see her she is sad. I hate it. I hate myself. I Love this girl more than anyone else in the world. I would do anything for her she knows that. Things are shaky bc when we try to get intamate she thinks about it and it makes her feel sick to her stomach. I dont know what to do with myself b/c im going through hell too. I feel sick to my stomach everytime I think about it and thats been everyday now. I know i'll never be able to take it back and im so sorry. but what can I do to have her forget. Or to atleast make it up to her. I need her in my life. shes my everything. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. Should I set her free of the torment & constand reminder and have her move on? I dont want to at all but if that will make her life better I would. Though she is trying so hard to be with me & that is all I can ask for. I just want to take the pain away. How can I do that?! I Love her. I want to be with her. Im not a horrible person really. I just did a horrible thing. But I didnt even go through with it. not at all. What can I do?

Feb 17, 2010 9:29 AM

Guest :

I cheated one time..Can my boyfriend forgive me?

Mar 3, 2010 12:06 AM

Guest :

I hope I can fix my relationship with my girlfriend.....we had broken up because I was movie away but I ended up staying for her I gave up everything for her I got back to her and we where happy and everything but she had to go outta town and she slept with 2 other guys and told me she forgot we were together....I don't know what to do.....

Mar 4, 2010 11:05 PM

Guest :

I cheated on my boyfriend and it was only a kiss but I know that cheating is cheating. I told him and everything and now he wont even show me loves me anymore and he says I have to fix it and I have been trying to explain to him that it take two to make a relationship work. and Im just really sad because I dont know how to fix things. and I dont even feel like he is my boyfriend anymore. he feels like a friend to me because of the way that he talks to me now.

Apr 1, 2010 9:36 PM

Guest :

My gf had an affair with another guy and started dating him the day after we broke up. She hurt me alot. I ended up in the hospital for a week. After a month and a half she came back asking for forgiveness, and I did, I took her back but now I have the feeling that our relationship is not working,she makes me mad about everything, i just cant stand her, i dont trust her, but the worst thing is that i still love her... alot and i dont want to be away from her, im happy when we are laying in bed together, but when we start hanging out with friends and people, she just gets on my nerves pretty bad... i dont want to break up with her and i would love to be the way i was before... but i dont know what to do

Apr 20, 2010 7:44 PM

Guest :

Helpful...hopeful! Thanks for sharing it

Apr 21, 2010 1:59 PM

Guest :

Two wrongs DON'T make a right. You should never enjoy revenge cheating. Your husband made a mistake. YOU made it worse. Now he doesn't trust you and the tables turned. I cheated on my husband and although he may forgive and still love me, I can never forgive myself. Cheating never goes away. You're supposed to realize the mistake you made and NEVER do it again. And then reprove your love which takes time.

Apr 22, 2010 6:53 AM

Guest :

For me i don't know what to say about this because my husband cheated on me and he cofessed about the affairs now he wants me to forgive him. But i don't know what to say to him deep down my heart i know i have not forgiven him what should i do?

Apr 27, 2010 8:34 PM

Guest :

I've cheated on my bf 2 times. We've been together for 3 years and I will admit I screwed up and it was a dumb mistake on my part and I don't blame him for hating me at the moment. I'm 16 and he was my first for everything. He's 3 years older than me and everything my parents and I could've ever asked for. I want to make it work out with him cause he's made a huge impact on my life and to be honest, I can't ever see my life with out him and I should've realized what I had before I messed up. I hope this article works.

May 5, 2010 2:11 PM

Guest :

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. Moved in together after 2 years. We had always seem to have problems, and one night I was just confused and hurt so I went out to the bars with my girlfriends and ended up cheating on my boyfriend with a mutual friend of our group of friends. I told him about it, we broke off for about a week and decided to give it another try. A year later after we talked about supposably moved on from this he decides to bring it up again and now wants to end everything. We were so happy and out of nowhere he brought this up. I don't know what to do, I'm hurt because I know I made a huge mistake and I've been faithful ever since....thoughts?

May 6, 2010 6:28 AM

Guest :

My boyfriend is cheating on me and i know it but i dont want to confront him about it because he has a short temper and it will just break us apart. He always tries to flip the story and he is really good at it. he makes me feel so bad sometimes and i try my hardest to do everything not to hurt him. i love him so much and nothing can change the way i feel about him, not even the fact that he is cheating on me. i really dont know what to do.... any advice????

May 24, 2010 3:10 AM

Guest :

i cheated on my boyfriend of a year and a half with a guy i've only known for six months... i never wanted to cheat but innocent fun and hanging out turned into this...i've noticed too that i get jealous when the guy i'm only sleeping with goes out with other girls...i love my boyfriend but i'm happy someone is giving me the attention he won't.. i'm so confused and i know i have issues to work out i just dont know how :(

Jun 2, 2010 12:52 PM

Guest :

I had an affair on my wife and we are now dealing with it. I wish I could explain to her why, I just dont know why. We had a great marriage, I was happy. I started talking to the lady casually at first and then it turned to more and more before I realized it. Once I realized it had gone too far I felt like I couldn't stop it and also like I needed her to talk to. Looking back I feel like such a fool, like I must have lost my mind or something. I love my wife dearly and I just hope and pray she will continue to allow me to show her.

Jul 2, 2010 10:43 AM

Guest :

iv been with my bf for nealry 5 years. iv just found out that he cheated on me, he didnt have sex but recieved something of her!! our relationship was abit off for about a month before this, i became distant from him and pushing him away. i dont know why i did. i really love him and dont want to lose him but i dont know if i can get over this. would i be an idiot to try and give it another go?? we are considering going to counselling. any advice please??

Jul 12, 2010 9:19 PM

Guest :

I too cheated on my boyfriend that I love so much, I didn't mean to I was messed up I had about twenty shots of vodka at my friends house and there was a guy there that I knew liked me and wanted to get in my pants, well I didn't like him, I'm not the type to cheat I've always been cheated on,well that night I passed out in his room because we did shots in his room, I only remember a little bit of what happened, we had sex after this the next morning I woke up feeling horrible with hickeys all over my neck to remind me of what happened last night. Well when I went home I felt guilty and felt like I should be honest with him and not until yesterday I told him...he said he felt hurt, I broke his heart and he never wanted to talk to me again,I began texting him how sorry I was and how much I messed up, I really did mess up we had all these plans set, like getting married,buying a big house when I turn 18 and having some kids of our own, I messed up my future with him, I just recently talked to him and he said its going to take a while to get over the hurt and I understand how he feels because I've been hurt before too. He says he might consider a second chance, I hope he will give me a second chance if he did I would never do it again that was the first and last time I will ever cheat on anyone, be smart when your at a party one hook up is not worth losing the love of your life, and I'm learning this at 16...wish me luck

Jul 14, 2010 6:06 PM

Guest :

me and my boyfriend have been together for 7yrs. and i never thought he was capable of cheating on me because i trusted him so much. 3 months ago,he kept telling me that he feels like he wants to be single and he wants his space.but at the same time he wants to give the relationship a try.i was ready to let it go.give him his wanted space.and then after all this crap bout wanting to be alone for a long time,i found out he was cheating on me.when he was with me,he actually tweeted to the other woman,that he will be back soon and he loves her and misses her so much...while spending time with me.i felt so hurt.devastated.How do i even start picking up the pieces.i find myself numb and cold all the time.I do not have a twitter account so when someone tipped me off,i actually created one and he was cheating on me. for at least 3 months.at first he denies everything.and then he admits it. how do i move on.i don't know where to begin.help me

Jul 16, 2010 11:05 AM

Guest :

I didnt cheat on mine but something I did he considered to be and now he has forgave me but dosent know if her wants to split or stay together what do I do?

Aug 11, 2010 9:52 AM

Guest :

my bf of 1-1/2yrs cheated on me for about a month or so (so he says). He said that he did because he wasn't getting sex at home. I'm the kinda gal that likes sex, don't get me wrong but daily is just TOO much for me. So, i hit the breaks. He too said it was only for the sex and that their wasn't anything else there, but can men really "just have sex"? We broke up for about a month but we love eachother and miss one another so much that we started talking and now we decided to work on fixing this mess. We are going to counseling and hopefully i can forgive/forget and move on. He says he has never done this before (cheating) and he feels bad and ashamed of what he did. I believe he is being sincere and is why i agreed to work on things. Although, he knows VERY well that if he cheats again....I'M DONE!

Sep 2, 2010 5:12 PM

Guest :

someone please reply to this
My GF has been with me for 31/2 years and she and i just started collage and she loves me and i really really love her. so she said that she wanted to branch out and i said thats fine but she kissed a guy. now i asked her to tell him they cant be friends or im leaving and she keeps saying that she doesn't want me to go but she doesn't want to lose the guy as a friend.

Sep 16, 2010 10:39 AM

Guest :

Wow its sad that so many of us have to go through such a thing as emotional/physical cheating & I'm so sorry but also reluctant that I am not the only one. If your significant other is not willing to cut off all connection from the person they cheated on you with then it is not worth going through with it anymore. They disrespected you by cheating so now they need to respect you by cutting off all contact if they want to keep you, if they are friends or not. It does not matter. In my case... my husband of one month emotionally cheated on me with a girl he has drill with. He sent her a blowjob forward, wrote her a message that shouldn't had been written over facebook & flirt texted her one night while we were fighting. Even though I have never seen the text & he will not admit to it, I know it happened b/c the next day I found a text to her from him saying... disregard my last message. He said his friend accidently sent her a message flirting with her which was meant to go to another girl. I do not believe that story for a second... hence why we still fight even though we just got married. I want to get over it b/c I am pregnant & was pregnant at the time he emotionally cheated && we have a 2 year old son together. I want to forgive him but how can I if he can't even tell me the whole truth?? Wow relationships are so hard!!!! P.S. I found this article very helpful but its very hard to get advice unless you know the person's exact situation

Sep 22, 2010 10:12 PM

Guest :

i cheated on my boyfriend a few day before we broke up, knowing that we were going 2. we have been talking again for i few weeks and i just confessed about what i had done. i think it might have completely broken everything we had. he cannot forgive and i dont blame him. it you cheat on someone then u dont deserve them.

Sep 23, 2010 2:42 PM

Guest :

my fiancee and i have 3 kids, but 2 our our together. last sunday i wanted him to leave and take his things becasue i was tired of him going out and not coming home, hanging out with whomever he pleased. last wwednesday he came home with hickies and he said we broke up, which i never actually said were done. its only been a week and we "got back" together which means he came back home, i dont know what to really think or feel because i love him but deep in my soul i want to tear his eyes out and tell him to leave and never come back. he says hes sorry and thought we werent together but it makes me believe him hardly coming home and him hooking up wit another girl so fast he was cheating and thats why were always faught about that and him never coming home. what shud i do or how do i move on regardless its with him or just by myself.

Sep 28, 2010 12:16 PM

Guest :

Some advice please..Bf & I have been together for 2 yrs He & his son moved in with me he wasn't been able 2 help financially. After the 1st year it started to really irritate me we fought all the time & he always accused me of stuff so I looked in his phone found pics of girls he denied anything made excuses. I got rid of all my friends cuz he has a problem with any1 & always accused me if I was hangin out with my friends & threatened to cheat on me so I cheated on him I never confessed. I looked at his phone records & a # he was talking to everyday I called & found out he slept with her he denied denied denied then admitted to some of it..I decided to work things out I'm faithful I'm trying to get the goodtimes back we love each other so much but now I check his phone records to make sure he's not talking 2 the same girl & he's not but now its 2 diff. #'s that he talks to almost everyday sometimes an hour at a time & we don't even talk like that anymore..I'm so hurt all he does is deny everything I'm wondering if I should call this other # & find out but I don't want to be embarrassed if its nothing but I asked if he talked to any1 that day he said no which I knew was a lie..What should I do? I've invested my time my money my heart & if he's just cheating I'd rather be done..Please give me advice

Oct 3, 2010 5:34 PM

Guest :

My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years and he cheated. i love him and forgave him but i still think about it all the time. idk how to feel i dont want to bring it up but it hurts. i love being with him so much.

Oct 14, 2010 4:41 AM

Guest :

my bf and i have been together for 12 years, we have 3 children together, 2 of them r his but he brought up my other child from birth so thats his dad.My bf cheated on me and the girl got pregnant and kept the child. He lied to me about it for a long time and said he only lied because he did not want to loose me. He also reckons he never loved this woman and it was not a physical attraction more an emotional one as he was really low at the time and our relationship was in a bad way.

months on and the child is now 3 months old, the mother of the child is as difficult as can be expected, and is always trying to make problems between us even though she reckons she dont want my partner.

my partner said he is gonna be honest and upfront with me and any descions made reguarding the child will be made together as a family.
i want to trust him i really do but i dont know how to even begin, i said i wanted to be with him and i really do, but my trust issues are really effecting my judgement and making me think all sorts of mad and crazy stuff.

i need help so u think we would benefit from counceling as a couple or should i just move on, i really dont know because i love him so much and the though of breaking up kills me inside

Oct 19, 2010 1:22 PM

Guest :

how do i forget the fact he gave himself to somone else????

Jun 22, 2011 2:27 PM

Guest :

I have cheated on my bf and he has a huge grudge...i regret it so much and i really want to change and make everything as it was before but it is so difficult for him to forgive me..what should i do to make him trust me again?

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